Writing Tools

Not long ago, my daughter Emily bought me a subscription to FHM magazine, one of those modern lad mags that makes Playboy read like Plato's "Republic." I'd estimate that a recent issue boasts 200 young women in their unmentionables -- but then, who's counting? In fact, I'm not sure a woman is permitted to appear in FHM dressed in more than negligee or a bikini. Even the golf expert and the gaming expert are so clad.

Which leads me to a feature called "Extreme Science Class!" -- six wacky science experiments described and illustrated by Kari Byron, who also works for the Discovery Channel's show Mythbusters. (For the record, the photographs of Kari show her in a short lab coat opened to reveal a red bra.)

I studied this magazine, believe it or not, in my far-ranging search for examples of interesting writing. I found one here in the description of a science experiment called "Soda Geyser," the purpose of which is to "replicate Old Faithful with cola." Here are the instructions:

Place an open bottle of soda on the floor and drop in a whole pack of Mentos. You'll be rewarded with an epic cola eruption. "It's instantaneous," Kari says. "This is a fun thing to do at a party if you want to make a huge mess." That's if getting tanked until you lose control of bodily functions isn't an option.

OK, so this prose is more piss than epistemology, fit for the audience of horny slackers to which FHM appeals. But check this out:

Why it works: "Soda has carbon dioxide gas pumped in during bottling," Kari says. "Each gas bubble has water molecules surrounding it. Arabic gum in the Mentos -- the thing that makes it chewy -- causes the surface tension of these water molecules to break, releasing gas and instantly expanding the amount of stuff in the bottle. It's got nowhere to go except out the small hole... I've heard of Mentos geysers getting as high as 16 feet."

If you write science, business or anything complex or technical, you should study these paragraphs as models. The first one removes any barrier to entering the story. The sentences are short. The words are short -- so short that out of sixteen in the first sentence, only three have more than one syllable. The language reflects the slang of the imagined audience, those cretins who get "tanked" at a party and think an eruption of cola is "epic."

Hooked, the reader dude is now ready for the chemistry lesson in the second paragraph, confronting phrases such as carbon dioxide, water molecules, and surface tension.

There's the tool: To explain a technical process clearly, ease the reader in with a friendly voice and familiar point of view. From that connection with the reader, lead him by the hand into complexity, moving step by step, and keeping technical language to a minimum.

Now I'm off to try the experiment where Kari turns a pickle into a light bulb.